Sunday, August 30, 2009


My daughter crawled into bed with me this morning. All 5 feet 4 inches of her. As she slept I was transported back nearly 15 years to the first time I laid in bed and watched her sleep. At that time just barley over 4 pounds, a tiny bundle of perfection. She still takes my breath away with her beauty.

I remember before I met her writing in my journal prayers for her future. I asked God to make her strong and confident. To give her a desire for Him. That she would bring joy to the lives of others and that she would know and serve her God with a single minded devotion.

It's funny how we often miss the answered prayers that are right in front of us. I spend so much time making sure her homework gets done, she gets fed on a regular basis, and that she gets taken to all her events that I forget to just stop and watch her sleep. To pause and see that the young woman before me is an answer to all of my prayers.

And so, this morning that is just what I did. I watched her sleep. And I was reminded that my God is faithful. That my God answers prayer. And my heart was overwhelmed by the beauty that was before me. Not just the beauty of a perfectly formed mouth, and thick dark lashes resting upon her cheek. But the beauty that comes from a soul who is passionate about loving God and loving every moment of life. The beauty of a girl who makes me laugh with complete abandonment. Who makes me feel full of love and joy and hope.

Fifteen years ago my heart was overwhelmed with thoughts of who she one day might be. Today my heart is overwhelmed with the realization of who she is.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Worth It

It’s gonna be worth it… when I see His face.
Worth the sleepless night of whispered prayer.
Worth doubt filled days and desperate cries.

It’s gonna be worth it… when I hear Him call my name.
Worth moments of questioning, trying to find His will.
Worth the wandering, trying to find my way.

It’s gonna be worth it… when I feel His hand in mine.
Worth the pain of broken dreams.
Worth the agony of defeat.

It’s gonna be worth it… when I see His smile.
Worth the misunderstandings, worth the judgment in their eyes.
Worth friendless days, and lonely nights.

It’s gonna be worth it… when eternity begins.
Worth trouble and persecution. Worth darkness and danger.
Worthy poverty and hunger. Worth sorrow and shame.

It’s gonna be worth it…

You’re gonna be worth it…

You’re gonna be worth it all…. Jesus!

But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Cor. 4

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


My husband downloaded a new game recently. It’s a survivor trivia quiz. I was bored the other day and was playing it. One of the questions was:

You have stepped on quicksand. Should you:
Fight- quickly try to move back to safety
Be Still- remain as calm and still as possible and call for help.

I think our natural instinct would be to fight. If we are sinking we try to get out. But actually the more we move and try to fight the quicksand the faster it will pull us under.

A lot of my life feels like quicksand these days. I feel as though the ground around me is unstable and pulling me under. And in all honesty I’m not sure how I got here. Just a minute ago I was walking on solid ground and now I’m in a pit. I’ve been trying really hard to get out of this pit. And yet, here I am, fully immersed, and covered in mud.

It was at the point of exhaustion from fighting against the quicksand that I stopped to ask myself a question. Is fighting getting me anywhere? And so I stopped. I stopped fighting, and simply cried out… Help!

You see, I’ve been taught to fight. To take control, to take charge, to not let circumstances pull me down. I’ve been taught to be brave, to be courageous.

But in the pit, in the mire and mud courage whispered to me… stop. Be still. Quit fighting. Because I wasn’t standing on solid ground. And unless my feet are firmly planted on the Rock I cannot, dare not, fight.

I waited patiently for the Lord; He turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;

He set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.

Psalms 40:1&2

I am still in the pit. But I am no longer sinking. I am waiting patiently for the Lord. I am confident He has heard my cry. Soon, He will lift me out of here, and set my feet on a rock. And then I will take up my shield and my sword and I will fight. But until then, I will be still. I will trust. I will surrender.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009


Last night I watched the movie Julie & Julia. Great movie. Probably not good timing.

Yesterday in staff meeting we discussed chapter 9 of Francis Chan's book, Crazy Love. We spent a good hour hashing over what we want to do with our lives that will be of lasting value. Talked about what kind of a legacy we want to leave. Asked each other what fears are keeping us from pursuing those crazy God dreams.

Then I went to watch a movie about 2 ordinary women who through hard work, dedication, and a truck load of guts and craziness changed their lives in extraordinary ways.

Made for a very reflective evening. Made for prayers filled with lots of questions. For example:

1. What do You want me to do?
2. How do I learn to be content in all things and yet be consumed with crazy dreams?
3. What am I so afraid of?
4. Who am I, and why do You need me?
5. How can I do something that will be of lasting value to Your kingdom?

There wern't as many answers as there were questions. I've found that's just the way things are with God. But there were a few answers. Softly whispered and warmly wrapped around my soul.

I am His. He doesn't need me, but He desperaly wants me. Fear is good, it keeps me dependant on Him. And He simply wants me to... believe.

Believe Him. Take Him at His word. Obey His voice.

Once step. One moment. One breath. One choice.

Today I choose to do great things for God. I will not fund an orphanage, or interpret the Bible into a foreign language. I will not publish my first book, or speak to crowds in an ampitheatre. But I will do great things! I will love God. I will love those who are around me. I will listen for a still small voice. And I will choose to belive that whatever that voice tells me, I can and will do.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009


My daughters love the Jonas Brothers. Not too surprising, a lot of young girls do. I like the JoBros myself. After all, they're good kids. They love God, live lives of integrity, and make good clean music. Of all the bands my girls could like, as a mom I love that they love the Jonas Brothers.

Personally, I've come to know lots about them. I know all of their names, how old they are, where they're from. I even know the words to most of their songs. But, I'm not obsessed or anything- not like my girls.

But that was before last week. Last week I took my girls to a Jonas concert. And can I just say-- AMAZING! I've been to hundreds of concerts in my life, but I have never experienced a show like that. The lights, the staging, the effects, the creativity. WOW!!

I can't seem to quit talking about it. for a week now I've told anyone who will listen how amazing the Jonas Brothers are. It's so bad I've been accused of being obsessed. And maybe I am. But if you would have seen it- if you would have experienced it- you would probably be obsessed too.

And isn't that how our relationship with Christ is? Oh, we may have heard of Him. Maybe we even admire Him. But, it's not until we see Him and experience Him for ourselves that we realize how amazing He really is. And once we're confronted with the wonder of who Jesus is how can we help but love Him, tell others about Him, and be obsessed with Him?