The Wild Ride

I LOVE roller coasters! I’m an official roller coaster junkie. We have actually planned vacations around new roller coasters. It’s sad really.

But there’s this moment…. you know the one I’m talking about. The moment between securing your seat belt and the first drop. It’s the giant climb up the GIANT hill. As the coaster click, click, clicks its way to the top of the hill I have me a “come to Jesus moment”. And it’s not a quiet, in my heart moment. No, this girl is making sure everyone strapped in with me is ready to meet their maker.

I don’t get it. I wait happily in line for hours. Grin from ear to ear when they strap me in. Then completely panic as we approach the crest of the first big hill. Every time I ride a coaster I have a moment of sheer panic where I am convinced that I. AM. GOING. TO. DIE!!!

I know it’s not true. I know that I’m not actually going to die. In fact I know that in about 3.2 seconds I’ll be having the time of my life. But I can’t help it. I can’t stop the panic from gripping my heart.

And right now, sitting at my perfectly safe desk in my perfectly safe office, I feel that panic. I can hear the click, click, click. I can feel the steady chug of the coaster pulling me to the crest of the hill. I feel the slight breeze, hear the nervous chatter, and see the clouds getting closer. In my heart the ride is just about to begin. And I am literally, physically trembling with anticipation.

I know it will be one wild ride. But, man, I’m sweating it.

Dear Miley, Rihanna, and Christina,

I’ve noticed a change in each of you recently. I’m pretty sure it was intentional. Freshening up your image as you release your new albums. And I have to say, you’ve each produced some high quality, creative music. You are all very talented.

I wonder though, why the need to change your image? Why the need to change lyrics from your former creative expressions to line upon line of sexual innuendos? Who told you that in order to sell records you need not be only talented but also a “sex symbol”? Why the sudden plunge into this world of "less is more" and "everything in excess"?

Do you not know that you are of infinite value? Has no one ever told you that you are loveable, not as an object, but as a woman? Haven’t you heard that you can be strong, and beautiful, and talented without selling out?

And yes, I truly believe that the new sexy image you have created is selling out. I’m disappointed that I have to explain your behavior to my daughters. They looked up to you. They admired you. But now you have joined your voice to the countless other voices shouting to our girls that women are not to be honored and cherished, but that we are objects to be lusted after, used and discarded.

And it breaks my heart… it breaks my heart to see you trying so hard, when you needn’t try at all. Some have said that you are young women trying to “find yourself”. I understand that. I too have traveled that road. I pray that you find what you are looking for. I have a sneaking suspicion that if you ever do find the peace that currently eludes you that it won’t be found in your fame, but in your value. And not your value as an artist, or a sex symbol. But in your value as a beautiful, loved, child of God.

Because under the makeup, extensions, and high heels… that is who you really are.

~Keri

The Time In Between

Francesca Battistelli writes:

Don’t take much for this crazy world
To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again

But it’s the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what You’ll bring
And the things that I can’t see
I know my song’s incomplete
Still I’ll sing in the time in between

I feel like this is where I am living right now. In the time in between. It’s a season of transition. Of change. Of sifting sand. My footsteps are unstable. The path before me dim.

It’s tempting to look back and cling to what was. It’s scary to look forward and anticipate what will be. So I wait, in between. Sometimes scared. Sometimes filled with wonder. Sometimes anxious. Sometimes at peace.

I know that this time, this in between time, is important. I know that it’s not about rushing to the “next thing”. I know that there is purpose for the grey space between the leaving and the arriving. This twilight of the soul, where darkness recedes and light begins to fill the sky.

Here I know that sunrise is inevitable. Here I know that morning will come.

Yet I linger. In the soft light of in between. Hushed and silent. Listening. Watching. Waiting.

Thankful, for the time in between.

... You can listen to Francesca's The Time In Between here.

All in the Family

Confession…. When it comes to the “family of God” I’ve always felt like an outsider. Like I don’t really belong. Almost like an illegitimate child.

I’ve always been envious of those with a deep heritage of faith. Those whose parents & grandparents served the Lord. Those that were born into the family of God.

See, I wasn’t born into God’s family. My parents & grandparents didn’t raise me in church. I joined the family later in life. And unlike those born in, I’ve always felt like I haven’t quite earned my place just yet.

But I realized something this week… no one can be born into God’s family.

Hear me out.

We are all illegitimate children. Whether we were raised by alcoholics or preachers, we are all separated from God. We are all born into sin. And the only way that any of us can become part of God’s family is through adoption.

Joining God’s family is not through birth, but through choice. We must choose to allow Him to be our Father. He must choose to accept us as His child.

Do you realize what that means?

That means that I am just as loved as the pastor who stands behind the pulpit and preaches in the shadow of his father, and his father’s father. I am just as wanted as the missionary kid born in a remote village on the other side of the world. I am just as much His as the little girl who prayed to receive Christ while still too young to remember life without Him.

I am His. Not because of my parents’ faith. But because He picked me! He saw me, alone and orphaned, stuck in my sin, and he signed the papers and paid the price to make me His.

It’s just the way He does things… for each and every one of us. Regardless of our pedigree or our parents. Being born into a family that serves Christ doesn’t guarantee our place at His table; and being born into a family that doesn’t serve Christ doesn’t exclude us from becoming His.

Whether we were born in a palace or a pit we must all choose. And once the choice is made, we are His. Equally, fully, completely… Praise God!

“Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins.” Eph. 1:4-7

I'd like to take 2/3 of married women out for coffee...

so we can have a little chat.

I found an article this morning. It has me good and mad. I was hoping to simmer down, but I haven’t yet.

Here’s some statistics from the article that have me all in a tizzy!

• 62% of women admit to fantasizing about having sex with someone other than their spouse, while one in ten has already done so
  
• 2/3 of married women would rather read a book, watch a movie, or take a nap rather than make love to their spouse

Let me get this straight… we’d rather read than make love to our spouse, but if Mr. Perfect were available we’d find the energy for him. Is it just me, or is this crazy?

Don’t get me wrong… I’m guilty. That book is quite appealing after a long crazy day. And temptation is something we will always wrestle with. Which is why it’s so important to deal with our run away thoughts. But the truth is; sex is important to our marriages.

Yes it can become a routine; yes we can be overwhelmed and not have the energy for it. But, ladies, if we’re going to invest our time and energy into something shouldn’t it be the guy we chose to love for eternity?

Fantasizing about Mr. Perfect isn’t going to strengthen our marriages. And for the record, the only difference between Mr. Perfect and your hubby is that he doesn’t live with you. Trust me the super sweet, compassionate guy at work or the gym or in the movie leaves his dirty underwear on the floor too.

There is no such thing as the perfect guy. One who will magically make your heart sing and all the cares of this world disappear. No, relationships don’t work like that. They take work. Lots and lots of hard, selfless, painful work. But it’s sooo worth it.

I love books. Really. I do. I collect them, treasure them, devour them. But sometimes, most of the time, the book needs to take a backseat to my lover.

Fantasy is so overrated. But a marriage that is filled with passion, now that’s something worth investing in.

Book Review~ Thin Places

I'm too tired to think, much less blog. But I did just finish an amazing book that everyone needs to read.

I love to read! Books are treasured friends. And to be honest, I fall in love with most every book I read. So I'm a Publishers dream reviewer! :o)

But then there is the rare gem. The book that captivates you from page 1 and leaves you better than it found you. It's a book that doesn't leave your heart once you've finished it's pages.

"Thin Places" is one of those books.

Mary Demuth is an author, speaker, wife and mom. Her parenting books are perfect for any first generation Christian parents trying to find God's way in this crazy world. But the majority of her books are novels. Artfully written, compelling novels. This book is different. It is her memoir. Her story, in her words.

And let me tell you.... this lady has a heck of a story to tell. Abused, neglected, and lost Mary reaches back into the thin places of her childhood to search for the fingerprints of a Holy God in the midst of a tragic series of events.

If you've ever suffered. If you've ever questioned why circumstances happened to you, you need to read this book! I promise you will find healing for your soul from a girl who has "been there"!

If you read it I'd love to hear your thoughts! I hope it is as powerful for you as it was for me!

Details:

Mary's web-site: http://www.marydemuth.com/index.php

Thin Places preview: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LImEJ8om2qo&feature=player_embedded

A Letter

We found an interesting question that we plan to use tomorrow morning as a fun conversation starter. It’s supposed to be lighthearted, but somewhat serious. The question is:

If you could travel back in time to when you were five years old to impart a single message to yourself that would enrich your life what would it be?

My short, fun answer would be: invest in Google. But I have a hard time with short and fun. I’m more of a “ponder till you find depth” kinda girl. So, my entire afternoon has been filled with thoughts. Permit me to write them down in letter form. Call it cheap therapy.

Dear 5 year old Keri,

Life is pretty good for you right now. You are deeply cherished by your family. Life is fun and carefree. But it won’t always be that way.

In about 10 years your family will disintegrate. It will be sudden, unexpected, and ugly. Instead of processing the destruction of your parent’s marriage, you will pretend that nothing happened. You’ll stuff your feelings, and put on a smile. This is the beginning of a habit that will stick with you into adulthood.

High school will pretty much suck. You’re dad’s drinking will get worse, your mom will be absent, and your brother will need you to take care of him. You’ll have to grow up really fast. And you will. You will step up and take care of the men in your life.

It’s not all bad though. While home life may be a mess, you do meet someone to help you. Jesus. You know all those questions you have about life and meaning? Well, Jesus is the answer. And when you finally meet Him... it will all make sense.

Another good thing happens in High School. You’ll meet someone and fall in love. Shortly after High School you will marry him. And you will be given ample opportunity to put those marriage vows to the test. There will be a lot of “worse” before there is a glimmer of “better”. You will push him away, afraid that he too will abandon you. Things will get really dark. So dark that you’ll want to give up. But don’t! Because one day you will find the light again. And something amazing will happen. You’ll discover a love that you never thought possible. A love that you’ve only read about in cheesy romance novels. One day you’ll quit pretending that you have a wonderful marriage, because you will actually have one.

You know all those things that you’re afraid of? Those things that keep you from sleeping at night? Most of them will never happen. Some will. You’ll lose your Noni to cancer. And you’ll miss her. You’ll miss her more than you can imagine. You’ll be broke. You’ll bounce checks. You’ll lose a job or two. You’ll be in a few car wrecks (your biggest fear at five). But you’ll survive it all. You’ll sit beside hospital beds of loved ones, stand beside graves, and wonder where God is. You’ll lose friends. You’ll be a crappy friend. But through it all, you will grow.

I wish I could tell you not to worry so much about what others think. You’ll waste a lot of time trying to make your parents proud. The truth is, for many years they’ll be too wrapped up in their own pain to even notice you. But they’ll come around. And they will one day tell you all the things you’re longing to hear. And those girls, the ones with flat tummies and perfect hair. Well, you’ll forget all about them. Those boys that look through you and the nights without dates, you’ll treasure those times. It’s the boys you’ll cling to to find your worth that you’ll regret.

Friends will be few and far between. The pattern you start in High School of keeping people at arm’s length will continue for many years. As a defense mechanism you’ll lock your heart up in a fortress, and you’ll push a lot of people away. But there will be a few who stick around. A few that will see through the pain enough to love you, in spite of you. Hold on to them. Trust them with your heart.

They’ll be good times too. You’ll get to be a momma. And it’s even better than you think it will be. You’ll get the “happily ever after”. Only it won’t look like what you think it will. It won’t be a perfect life. There will be no wealth, no picket fence, no elaborate vacations. But it will be a full life. Full of meaning, and joy, and love. Full of life. And it will be beautiful.

I’ve learned something recently about beauty. In the absence of the ugliness of life beauty is simply common. It is nothing to behold. It will not inspire you or take your breath away. But in the presence of lack, in the midst of the dark, ugly places in life... beauty is glorious. It is magical.
So I say to you, precious girl. Don’t hide your eyes from the darkness. Don’t try to avoid the things you fear. Because God will see you through and it will all be worth it one day.

Love,
Keri

Inspire Me

I’m an information junkie. Always have been. I love to read and do research. I follow countless blogs, subscribe to too many podcasts, read magazines while waiting in line, keep a dictionary and thesaurus next to the bed…. It’s official, I’m a nerd.

Case in point…

Lately I’ve been wrestling with “information” verses “inspiration”. In true nerdy fashion I grabbed the dictionary.

Information- knowledge gained through study, communication, research, instruction, etc.; factual data; to supply oneself with knowledge of a matter or subject

Inspiration- to produce or arouse a feeling, thought, etc.; to influence; to animate; to guide or control by divine influence; to prompt or instigate utterances, acts, etc. by influence; to give rise to, bring about, cause; to breathe into or upon

It’s a lot easier to get information than to get inspiration. To get information I need only open a book, click on Google, listen to a podcast. I can gain knowledge while busy, distracted, or tired. I don’t have to plan for it. I don’t have to put much effort into it.

Inspiration, on the other hand, is a lot harder to come by. You can’t just decide to be inspired. You have to pursue it. Make time for it. For me it usually involves turning off computers, turning on some great music, and searching out beauty. Inspiration comes in moments of solitude. It comes in places filled with wonder.

Information awakens my mind.

Inspiration awakens my soul.

I long to be inspired.

Abandonment

The last few months I’ve been fighting an overwhelming sadness about my children growing up. It’s like I’m being followed by a dark cloud that constantly reminds me that my time with them is almost over. It’s been such a strong message to my heart that I’ve subconsciously pulled away from them, protecting my heart from the separation to come.

Last night my husband called me on the carpet. I didn’t even realize how my heart was feeling, but he, in great wisdom, suddenly turned to me and said “You know, they’ll always be your girls. Just because your mom abandoned you doesn’t mean that you will abandon them.” Ouch. Sometimes the truth hurts. Always the truth heals. And my heart is both hurting and healed this morning.

Hurting for the little girl in me who still can’t process the why. Healed because of a God that’s big enough to give me lasting relationships with my own girls. Relationships that won’t be severed at 15, or 18, or any age.

God has done a lot of healing between my mom and I. And I am so thankful for the relationship that we have now. But nothing can bring back the years when things weren’t good… when she was absent in my life… the milestones of teenagehood that I walked through alone. And twenty years later it still hurts. Not all the time, and not to the degree that it did when it was fresh and raw… but it does still hurt.

The truth is… no child should ever have to process divorce or abandonment. But they do. The good news is… there is healing. For my heart, for my relationships, and for my future.

Light and Shadow

(I promised more on Vegas... I got distracted, but here's my final thought)

The only difference between what happens in Sin City and what happens in my small town is location.

In Vegas sin takes place right out in the open, on street corners and public spaces. Here sin takes place in the shadows.

OK, so there aren't prostitutes on every street corner and strip clubs at every turn. But we have our fair share of sin. A national report just concluded that the state I live in tops the list for consumption of on-line pornography.

Sin is everywhere. Some communities just do a better job hiding it than others.

Or... we allow it to be in the open, we just don't call it sin. We call it gossip, or white lies, or looking out for ourselves. But God doesn't make distinctions between different kinds of sins. They all separate us from Him, they all damage our souls.

Here, in Northwest Arkansas, I may be able to hide my sin from you. But I cannot hide if from God. He sees. He knows. And He cares.

He cared enough to do something about it. The question is: What will I do? Will I accept the freedom He purchased for me and go and sin no more? Or will I reject the freedom He offers and continue to hide in the shadows.

Pursuit... Part 2

(there will be more on Vegas... but today a side trip to expand on a previous thought)



In my last blog I made the statement that we were created to chase. And I believe it's true. Scripture confirms it. We all run after something.





Yesterday I was challenged by a scripture in 2 Sam. 18 "Come what may, I want to run." The person speaking those words had been discouraged from running. But still, he wanted to run. He knew he had to do what was in his heart regardless of whether his running was accepted by others, or if it meant running alone.





I too am called to run. God has put a passion in my heart that simply will not go away. This passion calls to me to leave the comfort of the sidelines and chase after Him.





It's hard sometimes. I'm a baby. In the physical world I can guarantee that you will never see me running (unless there's a very angry mama bear chasing me). I hate to run. Running involves work, effort, and my least favorite thing... sweat! Yuck!





In my spiritual life, sadly, I am much the same. I want to run for God. But, when the going gets tough, I'm looking for a hammock and a glass of lemonade.





Is it too much to just want a break? A little time out? A recovery period?





In the midst of my questioning I stumbled across this in Hebrews:

"Let us strip off every weight that slows us down especially the sin that so easily hinders our progress. And let us run with endurance the race that God has set before us. So take a new grip with your tired hands and stand firm on your shaky legs. Mark out a straight path for your feet. Those who follow you, though they are weak and lame will not stumble and fall but will become strong."

Tired hands


Shaky legs





Yep. That pretty much sums it up. I'm tired, my faith is shaken. And all I want to do is sit on the sidelines. But I can't. Because I'm called to run this race. There are people following. And I have to take a new grip and stand firm.





The good news... God promises that we will not stumble and fall, but we will become stronger. If we don't quit running.





I have to confess... I hate the sweat, I hate the leg cramps, I hate that sometimes I have to run all by myself. But I can't stop running. Because in the running I find joy. I find life. I find my reward.

Pursuit…

(more thoughts from Vegas)





One thing you can’t help but notice in Vegas is the pursuit. Pursuit of what? Well, I’m not sure. I don’t even think the people pursuing it know what it is that they are chasing. But they chase it none the less.


Whether it was alcohol, gambling, sex, or entertainment everyone seemed to be in pursuit. Crowds of people spending thousands of dollars searching for… something. Something to satisfy them. And unable to find it they continued their pursuit… to the next slot machine, the next drink, the next club. And on and on and on.


Except for me. There was no pull for me to gamble, to drink, to indulge. Because I’ve found the object of my pursuit. He lives and reigns in my heart. And while the lures of this word may still entice me, they have no hold on me. I can tell them “no”. I can walk away from temptation, completely satisfied in Christ alone.


Millions of people chase after things and experiences because there is a longing in their heart for something they can’t explain. I chase after God because He has filled the longing in my heart in ways I can’t explain.


Our hearts were created to be filled. We have the choice of what we fill them with, but anything we choose outside of God will quickly leave us filling empty and longing for more.


It seems as if we were created to chase. And if we have to spend our lives pursuing something… I plan on pursuing Him.

A stripper pole and a cross

This week I was in Vegas for work. We stayed at a Hotel with a casino (I’m pretty sure that all hotels in Vegas have casinos). After a very long day of walking I decided to do one of my favorite things while vacationing…. people watch. If you love to people watch as much as I do then you MUST go to Vegas! Wow!

The Mezzanine level of the hotel overlooked the casino floor and was dotted with posh couches, the perfect place to rest my feet and indulge my eyes. As I scanned the casino floor lights and sound assaulted me. People were everywhere! From every walk of life. It was chaos.

As I continued to scan the room my eyes landed on something I wasn’t expecting... a dancer and a stripper pole. I immediately averted my eyes, but then I heard a gentle whisper, “Look at her”.

I assure you; I had no desire to look at the girl in the sequined hot pants and push-up bra hanging from a pole. But sure enough I heard it again, “Look at her”.

“God, why on earth would you want me to look at her?”

“Because I love her. Because I think she’s beautiful. I love her just like I love you.”

Just like me. He loves her just like me.

And I tell you, I sat in that casino and cried. Cried for a girl who doesn’t know that someone loves her so much that He chose to be beaten, chose to be mocked and scorned, chose to hang on a bloody cross and die so that she might live.

As I cried for her with the realization of how much the Father wants to cover her with righteousness I noticed others... watching her. A young family man at the slots stealing glances. College co-eds whistling and clapping. A middle aged drunk sloshing his drink all over himself as he glared, glassy eyed.

And I thought God must be mad at them, lusting after his daughter like that. But then I realized… He loves them too. He loves them just like He loves me. Even though they’re lost and broken, searching for something to satisfy them, oblivious to their own depravity.

Jesus bled for them too.

It was midnight. The girl’s shift at the pole was over. I wanted so desperately to talk to her. To tell her about the man who loved her enough to die for her. I tried to find her, to follow her, but she disappeared. Another girl took her place. A new group of college co-eds, drunks, and dads moved closer to the bar. The music continued to play. The moment passed.

But I will always remember that moment, where a stripper pole and a cross met in my heart.

Broken

I'm broken.

That's hard to admit. But it's true.

It's nothing new. Hurtful words and broken promises cracked and shattered my heart.

When you look around you and find that you are surrounded by shards of glass you become fearful, timid.

My heart related to Humpty Dumpty.

He sat on a wall, had a great fall. And all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put him together again.

The same is true of me. I tried to put myself back together. I tried to let others put me back together. But nothing worked.

Exhausted we all gave up, me... the horses... the men.

That's when He came. The King Himself. He said He could put me back together, but it would take time. I would have to trust Him with all the broken pieces. I would have to give Him permission to poke and prod and fit the pieces back together.

It's painful stuff. Hurts sometimes. He says it's worth it. I think He's right.

I thought we were done. Recently I stepped back and looked at His work, it looked pretty good. I was impressed. Finally, we could move on.

But then... the rain came. And I realized that while I looked like I was just fine, there were cracks everywhere. Water spilled out faster than I could catch it.

I'm still broken.

But I'm better. No longer am I shattered shards of glass, now I am a vessel. Granted, I'm a cracked vessel, but a vessel none the less.

And this is where the healing begins. When you can admit the brokenness. When you can allow the light to penetrate the darkness.

He that began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it. Phil. 1:6

Beautiful Ending

Beautiful Ending
Barlow Girl

Oh, tragedy
Has taken so many
Love lost cause they all
Forgot who You were
And it scares me to think
That I would choose
My life over You
Oh, my selfish heart
Divides me from You
It tears us apart

So tell me
What is our ending?
Will it be beautiful
So beautiful?

So, I have to confess… I don’t know where to begin. All I know is that every time I hear this song something in me cries out to sit at the computer and pour out the pain in my heart. So here I sit. Full of thoughts, with no clue where to begin.

Several years ago I remember writing in my journal about how heartbroken I was at the news I had (once again) received about another minister who had fallen. The stronghold of sin had claimed another victim, and more of the people I loved were learning how to walk through the new reality of broken trust and shattered dreams.

My heart breaks now just thinking about it. Men and women that God had exalted to positions of leadership and influence, people I loved and respected, caught in their sin. And those of us who looked up to them left wondering… why did they fall?

The scariest thing to me is the knowledge that I am just one wrong choice away from the same reality. The truth is none of us are safe from sin. We will never overcome the fleshly desires of our heart. And when temptation meets opportunity each and every one of us have the potential to fall, and fall hard.

I understand the logistics of if. If you’re doing great things for God then the enemy will do everything he can to stop it. And what’s the quickest way to destroy a move of God? Ruin the integrity of the person leading the way. Trap the Pastor in sin, let the leader get caught in bondage, bring to light the musicians secret shame. We all know… nothing ruins a ministry like public humiliation.

So what do we do? How do we guard against the schemes of our enemy? How do we safeguard against the trap of sin?

Honestly… I don’t know. All I know is this, when I take my eyes off the cross and put them on ANYTHING else, I’m setting myself up for disaster. When I start to thing that I am above the temptation of sin, I’m walking right into a trap.

What is it that I want? What is it that I am going after? Is it fame? Fortune? Popularity? Recognition? Admiration? Love? Approval? Success? What is my goal? Because if my goal is anything but Christ… I- will- fall! He alone is able to keep me. And any sacrifice on my part, any price to stay in His arms, is worth it. Because…

At the end of it all I wanna be in Your arms

Nothing else matters.

So tell me… what is our ending? Will it beautiful?

Boldness

For years I’ve been praying for boldness. Confidence to speak God’s truth in any situation. To be honest, it’s something I’ve struggled with. I tend to run from even the faintest hint of confrontation. Usually I back down instead of speaking up.

This weekend I am teaching at a ladies gathering, and this week has been horrible!!! It’s been one hard thing after another. I feel like I’ve been attacked from every angle. It’s been physically and spiritually exhausting.

The other day I was talking to a friend at work about feeling like I had nothing to offer to these ladies, yet I had to go deliver the word of God with boldness. His words of wisdom to me…

“maybe you should speak to them from your brokenness”

Not 20 minutes later I was on the phone with a friend who always tells me what I need to hear, even when it’s not what I want to hear. I shared this little pearl of wisdom and he agreed. Yet also told me exactly what I’ve been wrestling to find the answer too…

there's a boldness that comes from arrogance and there is a boldness that comes from brokenness.

I can’t quit thinking about his words. I’ve known so many people who were bold in their faith, yet after spending time with them all I can think is that they are full of themselves and arrogant. Then… there are the people who have walked through trials and pain with Jesus and have a confidence that radiates from them. They are the people that I can’t wait to spend time with. When they talk I hang on their every word.

That is the boldness I want. Boldness that is birthed from my brokenness. Boldness that points to God’s mercy and grace, and not to my own strength.

God's words says that if we humble ourselves He will exalt us. The reverse is also true... if we exalt ourselves He will humble us! I pray that my confidence will always be a result of His power, never of my own.

There’s an old song that says “the only thing that’s good in me is Jesus”. It’s true. And that truth…

That I can boldly proclaim!

If My People...

Tonight we are airing an hour show about pornography addiction. This morning driving in to work I was praying about the show. And my heart was broken.

I don’t have a problem with the world’s obsession with pornography. (Don’t stone me just yet, let me explain) I’ve never really had a problem with sinners acting like… well, like sinners.

They’re in bondage, they are separated from God. They’re supposed to act wicked. We did too, before we were set free from our sin.

The slavery of pornography in the world hurts my heart because it separates people from God. Pornography in the church grieves my heart because we’ve been set free, yet we still choose to live as slaves.

“But YOU are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9

WE belong to God, they don’t. We are supposed to be different, set apart, holy. What does it say of our God when statistics show that the number of men and women who regularly view pornography is virtually the same for those in the church than those outside the church? What does it say of us when the divorce rate in the church is the same as the divorce rate outside the church? How are we any different than the world?

Time and time again, Old Testament and New, God warned his people against sexual sin. He hates it when the corruption of the world penetrates our churches. And it has. We have invited sin in our churches. Four out of every 10 pastors have confessed to visiting an adult web-site at least once a week. We have invited sin into our homes. Seven out of 10 men and 3 out of 10 women in the church have admitted viewing pornography at least once a week.

And it’s wrong.

It’s not wrong because it’s on a list of “unacceptable Christian behavior”. It’s wrong because it breaks the heart of a Holy God who died a painful death so that we could be set free.

“If MY people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.” 2 Chronicles 7:14

If we want God to remove sexual sin from America it will not be done by us protesting certain movies, or writing letters to editors. It won’t be accomplished by us lambasting sexually saturated advertising. If we want God to heal our land then WE have to repent. We, God’s people, the church. God is not calling unbelievers to repentance; He is calling HIS CHILDREN to repentance.

We may never be able to rid the world of sexual immorality, but shouldn’t we at least be able to rid the church of it? And who knows, maybe if we were different, if we were set apart, maybe then the world would notice. And maybe then they’d listen to the Good News we have to share.

(you can throw your rocks now)

It's supposed to be Hard

Remember the movie from the early 90’s A League of Their Own? It’s about two sisters who join an all female baseball league during World War II. The older sister, played by Geena Davis, is by far the better player and soon becomes the star of the league. Her team is doing well and makes it to the league’s first World Series. Days before the series begins, her husband returns home from Germany after being wounded in the foot. By this time it is obvious that she loves baseball and is passionate about the game. Watching her play it is obvious that she was made for the game of baseball. When her husband returns home she decides to quit the league and return home without playing in the World Series. Her manager, played by Tom Hanks, tries to talk her into staying. He tells her that it’s obvious that she loves baseball and if she quits now she will live with a lifetime of regret. She answers, “It just got too hard.” At that moment he gets very serious and leans in closer and says, “It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.”

It’s supposed to be hard.

We live in a culture that says it’s supposed to be easy.

Grey hair? Nice ‘n Easy

Sagging skin? Two minute facial mask

Hungry? Hit the drive through

In a hurry? On-line banking

Tough boss? Get a new job

Failing marriage? Get a new spouse

Browse through the Sunday adds and over and over you’ll see it: Quick! Easy! Time saving! Oven ready! Just add water! Instant! Fully cooked!

Everything around us tells us life should be easy. Except the Word of God.

God’s Word tells us it’s supposed to be hard.

Wait. Pray. Seek. Persevere. Press.

Trust. Follow. Deny. Fight. Run.
Turn from sin. Crucify your flesh. Carry your cross.

Turn the other cheek. Give to the poor.

Love your enemies. Speak the truth.

According to the Bible life is hard. And I’ve noticed that the more you trust God, the bigger risks you take in following Him, the harder it gets.

Thursday night we will air a show dealing with a subject no one wants to talk about. We’re marching up to the gates of Hell and shining the Truth of the gospel on one of Satan’s most powerful strongholds. And it’s been HARD!

We’ve faced sickness, family crisis, equipment failure, and the list goes on and on.

Is it hard? Yes

Am I afraid? Shaking in my boots

Is it safe? Absolutely not

Is it worth it? Yes. Yes! A thousand times yes!

Why? Because it’s the hard that makes us lean on Jesus. It’s the hard that makes us bow our knee in surrender. It’s the hard that makes others pay attention. It’s the hard that brings forth fruit. It’s the hard that brings glory to Christ.

It’s the HARD that makes it GREAT!!!!

If my choice in life is easy and average or hard and great…. Lord, LET ME CHOSE HARD!!

Retreat... Surrender... Advance...

Retreat- the forced or strategic withdrawal of an army or an armed force before an enemy; the act of withdrawing, as into safety or privacy

Surrender- to give oneself up, as into the power of another; submit or yield

Advance- to move or go forward; proceed

I just returned from a four day retreat. Spiritual retreat, not military retreat. But I think there is something to be gleaned from these military terms.

After all, sometimes life feels like a battle that’s gotten out of control. At least it does for me.

So many times we see retreat as a sign of weakness. We didn’t have the strength to fight anymore so we had to withdraw. And… it’s true. Often times we don’t’ have the strength to keep fighting because we are weak. Why is that so hard to admit? That we need rest, we need to back away from the fight?

The truth is… unless we retreat we will never win. We will lie there on the battlefield battered and bleeding until the very life we are fighting for slips away.

The key to being a good Commanding Officer is being able assess the moral of his troupes to determine if the battle can continue or if he should sound the retreat. The key to being a good soldier is obedience to the orders of your Commanding Officer. When God tells us to retreat, then honey we need to high tail it off the battle field and look for a place to hide!

Which brings us to step two… surrender. When dealing with military terms surrender is the worst possible outcome of any battle. But, when dealing with our relationship with Christ, surrender is the absolute best possible outcome. It is only when we surrender fully and completely to Him that we can be ready to face the battle. And nine times out of ten surrender only happens in moments of retreat, in places of safety.

Once we allow ourselves to retreat and surrender something amazing happens. Peace that is unexplainable wraps its arms around us. Everything in us wants to stay in that place and never leave. But the purpose of retreat is not retirement. The purpose of surrender is not to stop. The purpose is to get back up and get back in the battle. Only this time, we don’t fight alone. Sometimes we don’t fight at all; we simply stand in amazement and watch the mighty hand of God fight on our behalf.

Where are you today?

Is the battle raging around you? Is your sword too heavy to carry anymore? Retreat!

Are you hiding in fear from the battle but still clinging to your rights, your plans, your desires? Surrender!

Are you in a place of peace and surrender, refusing to get back into the fight? Advance!

There are seasons for each of these places. Appointed times for each of us to retreat, surrender and advance. The cycle repeats itself often. Only when we are listening to His voice can we know where we are supposed to be. Enjoy each part of the journey. They are all equally sweet and equally necessary.

Retreat

It's Wednesday.

Tomorrow I leave town for 4 days to go hide. And let me tell you, it can't get here a moment too soon.

Several years ago I started setting aside a few days every year for a prayer retreat. Last year I didn't make it. I thought it was no big deal. I was wrong.

Life is busy. Crazy busy. My days start at 4am, I'm very rarely in bed before 9pm. My calendar is full. And life is just draining. No matter how hard you try to protect your sanity.

The though of 4 quiet days fills my heart with such a deep longing. It truly is the best thing I do all year.

So... I'm off. Today will be a whirlwind, tying up loose ends at work, packing, making sure there's food for the kiddos to eat while I'm gone. And then tomorrow.... Well, we'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Can't wait!!

Have you ever gone on a prayer retreat? How did it change your life?

If you've never been on a retreat, what's stopping you? Time? Money? Responsibilities? Can you trust God to work it out for you? Every woman needs a time to refresh!